My Favorite Mistake - Learning from Making an Interstate Move for Love

Originally published on Joyful Jubilant Learning, October 31, 2008

Back in 1988, even though I was very happy where I was working as a Senior Consultant and Project Manager, I decided to shake up my happy life and moved to Illinois to work for Arthur Anderson for two reasons.  I was so happy at the time.  I had lost weight, I was a size 8 and loving it.  I had gotten a promotion at work.  I loved my clients.  I loved my home.  I commuted only 5 miles to work! 

But no, I couldn't leave well enough alone.  I was in love with a guy who had moved to Wisconsin for his job a year earlier.  Even though we had broken up and I was over him for a while, we had started seeing each other long distance. (maybe that was my REAL mistake!) He assured me that he had changed, that he loved me, that I was the one for him. He said that the only thing keeping us apart was that I lived in NJ. 

And as luck would have it, at a professional conference I met someone from Arthur Anderson who offered me a chance to work for what, at the time,  was the "premier" place to get your "ticket punched" for a career in Performance Improvement and Change Mgt. Consulting. I would get to move to Illinois and be only about an hour from him.  I thought it was a sign from the universe that it was "meant to be."

So I moved.   

Long story short - AFTER moving, I found out he had been cheating me for ages. UGH.

We broke up and I become a total workaholic - working myself up to the coveted "Education Manager" position managing large teams and multi-million dollar budgets. I even had my own office and Executive Assistant!  I got certified as a Management Development, Team Building, and Strategic Planning Facilitator.  I published articles in professional journals. I had achieved so many of my dreams! I should have been so happy - but I wasn't.  I wasn't really living what I was doing.  I was achieving what I thought I "should" be doing.  I thought that if I did all these things, then I would be okay, people would respect me and never know about all my flaws...I would be in my mind "acceptable".  I guess to others it was outstanding, but to me, it was the only thing that gave me any feeling of self-worth at all. I was more unhappy and miserable than I ever been. Who knew that career and financial success was NOT enough to make you happy? I wanted to stop the world and get off for a while.  I wanted to go home.

In 1992, I moved back to New Jersey and got back into consulting with the same company I had worked with before.  But it wasn't the same.  BIG lesson learned:  You can never go back to the way it was after an interstate move. 

Some key lessons learned:

1) Never do something major like move for or live a man without a RING ON MY FINGER!  But actually, I'm REALLY glad I didn't marry him, cuz, my husband now is the most loyal, loving and supportive man I've EVER known and I thank my lucky stars every day to have found him.

2) I learned to manage money while working with Arthur Andersen and got out of $25,000 in debt. So I don't regret that I did it...even though it was like a crucible for me.

3) I started learning to let go of clutter.  Those moves really forced me to face my clutter issues.  It was so traumatic though.   

4) I learned that I HATED the 9-5 corporate life, that I didn't really want to be an executive, I really loved the creative work. 

5) I learned that I love helping people achieve their goals - It's who I am. It's in my DNA and I can't force myself to fit into anything else! My favorite part of being a manager was helping the people who worked for me grow and develop.  Even when I had to "counsel people out" (the Arthur way of firing people) I enjoyed doing it in a way that helped people discover their true strengths and find the right job for them.  I was so good at it that before firing anyone, they would be assigned to me to see if I could "turn them around." 

6) I belong on the East Coast! : ) I love the midwest friendliness, but I'm more at home here.